I don’t know about you, but whenever I read Proverbs 31, I feel incredibly inspired to become this woman, who is not only an outstanding wife and mother, but an importer, an investor, a realtor, a manager, a seamstress, an advocate for the poor, and a designer of both functional and beautiful things, to name a few! But I also feel incredibly intimidated by the fact that the chances of ever becoming that Proverbs 31 woman myself are, well, slim to none.
Can I get an ‘amen’?
On the surface, Proverbs 31 seems no different than all the popular messaging out there: “Be a wife, a mom, and a career woman too! Oh and how about an adventure traveller, blogger, photographer, scholar, author, creative dresser, an organic food chef and much more!” This proverb could even fuel the idea that women really can have and be all…to everyone. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
However, when I was reading Proverbs 31 this time around, I realized that this passage was written by a little known King named Lemuel who apparently received wise teachings from his very own mother about what type of woman she wanted him to marry. We can all understand a mother’s well-intentioned desires for her son. But it is this often over-looked contextual detail that changes everything about the way we interpret the meaning of this passage. I am suggesting that the Proverbs 31 woman was never meant to represent a real human being but an “ideal prototype” of a mother’s hoped-for future wife of her son.
Please join me in a sigh of relief!
But while this sweet mother of Lemuel may have been setting the bar a little too high for her son, there is a little gem of wisdom hidden in this passage that shouldn’t be missed. This ideal woman was to be “clothed with strength and dignity” (v25), but these qualities surprisingly did not seem to come from her amazing achievements. Rather we are told they are a result of her being a woman who knows and fears the Lord (v30).
Did you catch that?
In a world where our concept of womanly strength and dignity often do come from our achievements and our outwardly appearances, this Proverbs 31 woman was a woman of internal noble character whose sense of dignity and worth came from her identity as a daughter of the God she feared.
Elsewhere in Scripture, this concept of “fearing God” shows up time and time again, often described as the beginning and foundation of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7, 9:10, Psalm 111:10). Fearing God does not mean fear in a frightened sense, but it is viewed in the Bible as a positive quality. One resource includes this helpful summary, that the fear of God is “…an attitude of respect, a response of reverence and wonder. It is the only appropriate response to our Creator and Redeemer.”
From this we can gather that to be a woman of strength and dignity is not necessarily to “have it all together” or to be able to spout out a long list of skills and achievements as if we were some type of superwoman. It is actually the opposite. It is recognizing that we do indeed fall short because we’ve fallen to our knees. It is there, in a position of humble awe and adoration of our Lord where we discover who we really are. It is there where we learn that in our weakness, He is strong. In our inability, He is able. In our insecurity, He is secure. In our failure, He has our future. In our complete and utter dependence on Him, He gives us dignity.
So next time you and I are tempted to strive towards becoming that ideal prototype of the incredibly wise and talented Proverbs 31 woman, or to sulk because of how darn short we fall, let us simply remind ourselves that the writing of this proverb, though it is the inspired Word of God, was also inspired by a well-meaning mother of her unmarried son. Becoming a woman clothed with true strength and dignity requires only this: that we may live a life in constant awe, reverence and love of our Lord. Everything else will follow.
*For some practical tips on how to understand the fear of the Lord, see Proverbs 2:1-5.